Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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