we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
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