I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
