you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
