Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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