dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
