When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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