Do you still have your period?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
