My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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