Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
