i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
