Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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