I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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