I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
