are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
