Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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