It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
