I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
