what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
