I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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