it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
