My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
