there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
