She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
