I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
