did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
