At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
