Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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