i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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