Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
