he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
