I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
