She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
