he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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