So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
