I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
