please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
