I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
