My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
