I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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