I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
