your thong is hanging out like whoa
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
