I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
being pregnant is like rehab
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
