I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
