The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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