just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
