someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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