Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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