Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
