She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
