I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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