i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i dont even know how to be here
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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